The second half of 2024 was all about personal growth... apparently.
The older you get, the faster time seems to go. Suddenly every day matters, and last week looks very different from the current one. And as seconds, minutes, hours, and days pass, so do you. You go through changes, a lot of which you aren't even aware of. You have new thoughts, make new friends, and take fresh opportunities. And that's just life, right? We all go through phases in our life, whether that phase is a particular age, a particular year, or a certain season. As humans, we always have to contextualize and give ourselves some sort of perspective on our lives. And this is typically all done in foresight or retrospect. Do we ever really take stock of the changes that are happening on a micro level? It's hard.
Anyway, where am I going with this? From September to December of this year, so much was going on in my life. Some good things, some not so good things, and I'm not here to garner any sort of pity. We all have our own sh*t to deal with. But these months felt different. You know when you go through experiences that you feel are forming who you are as a person. That's what was happening, except these experiences were happening every single day relentlessly. And with these experiences, you do start to learn a lot about yourself. Because we'd all like to think that we know exactly who we are. But I'm really starting to realize that you don't actually know until you're put in a position where you have to show that side of your character.
So I've learned that I've been right about a lot of things about myself. Certain views and beliefs are both present through my thoughts and actions, but on the flip side of that, I've had a few eye-opening experiences where actually I maybe haven't acted in a way that I thought I would. And that can be for better or worse. Even at my ripe old age, I'm learning things about myself. You always think that one day you'll have it all figured out, but in reality, you never will. That can be scary, but also comforting. Hopefully, it takes the pressure off. Every day I am getting to know myself a little better, but also one can argue that with that, a bunch of other things are surfacing that I don't quite know.
Here's a list of things I 100% know about myself:
I'm an introvert.
I suffer from severe social anxiety.
I struggle to start new things.
I'm an empath.
I'm creative.
I love garlic bread.
I struggle to have difficult conversations and will put it off for as long as I can.
I'm bad at dealing with rejection.
I highly value my friendships.
I thrive on chaos.
I would give you a list of things I don't quite know about myself, but that might be slightly exposing, so I won't get into that just now.
It's all quite humbling, really. I've always thought that I was a fairly decent human, but I'm sure there are people out there who'd disagree. Which is okay, people, of course, have their own perceptions of you based on their own beliefs and biases, and it isn't really up to us to change that. As long as we're doing all we can to know ourselves better and be decent humans, then this will hopefully reflect on other people.
So in conclusion, hmmm I'm not really sure what the conclusion is, really. This one's just been on my mind for a while, and I wanted to get it out there before the year ended. So maybe it'll give you something to think about as we enter 2025.
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